This is it

This is it was great. I could imagine it would be a blast if it really happened.

I did not expect you to come. But you did. Somehow I felt comfortable. It felt like the times before we started. Those hidden smiles. haha. A smile costs nothing but gives much. OH, 2 more weeks. I would hold on to it but would you? What do you feel right now?

Sometimes I wish I could put my name there but I just cant. Oh well. "Passerby". I should have put something more normal. like. "anonymous". Simple ain't it. Surprisingly, I find this guy really unique in ways. You can actually feel his ego but somehow there is a soft side in him which portrays a balloon. If he would have a positive mindset, he would have done better. This is the first time I am actually judging on someone without knowing him in reality. Wait, I wouldn't even want to know him in reality anyway.

You called after so long. After 6 months. How do you expect me to react? Yes, I am still paranoid. Sometimes I do think about you, but, never in a good way. I do wish you would stay away from me, like forever. Just because, you freak the shit out of me. And you cheated. Oh my god, you have a girlfriend makes you unavailable PLUS I see the fucking engagement ring. "IF only I knew you first, things can change if you give me a chance". What do I look like to you? A relationship splitter? Eventhough I do not know your wife-to-be, I feel guilty already.

It would be my turn to say this to you "IF only I knew earlier you were attached, nothing would have started". You are the past. "We need not destroy the past". It is gone!

I think I am really sensitive to cold air. This is bad.

Bye.

p/s : I really do miss you

Hyped

How can anyone not be hyped out by www.hypethembeats.com ?

Music is what feelings sound like. Why am I so into trance? I really wish I could dance like all the poppers and shufflers. There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good.

I am surprised that I could actually laugh today. Wait, maybe not. It was not a laugh but merely a loud smile. That is what they all say, a laugh is a smile that burst.

I was hearing Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone. The song actually fits my situation well.

Doesn't music just express it all for you? haha

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high
It never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die...

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop...

I want you to know
It doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
It started with the perfect kiss then
We could feel the poison set in
"Perfect" couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I do wonder what are you doing.
Damn it, I sound like a depressed child on loose.

Why do people always say "dude,just let go la"
Saying it always makes it sound so simple.
NYEH NYEH!

I am aiming for toto! haha. 8 million jackpot. FUH!
My boss asked "girls,do you guys want to win 8 million?"
My friend was just stoning showing the wtf look and go "who doesnt?"
My head is still filled with accounts. What an accounting day!

I am really looking forward for December. I can't wait for 2010 to start. Who needs a diary when our memory is the diary that we all carry with us.

OH, POP goes the weasel.

Torment

A goodbye isn't that painful unless you're never going to say hello again.

Every minute is leading to an extension of a bigger hole in the heart.
I don't even know if I can actually go through this with a smile on my face.
I could feel the rush of tears awaiting to flow. Yet, what can I even do?
Yes, nothing.

Patience is all I have left. One moment of patience may ward off great disaster but one moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.

A tale of two humans with language barrier. *pause* 30% language barrier. It is awkward as time-out is equivalent to "end". Doesn't it occur to you that, with this time-out, it might really end? Arguments are such a bitch. All thanks to fucking facebook. I should have just acted like I didn't know you had a blog. Pathetic.

I always wanted to get a M.U jersey for you just because I know you always wanted to have one. I'm actually glad that you have a little something of me on you now, although it is just a shoe but *whatever*. I really wish I could print your name out on it and place birthday number on it as the number. Your very own jersey. aww

Your asleep now, and here I am sitting here feeling so empty in mind. I hate it when I feel this way. Love is a true killer and jealousy is a mental cancer.

All I have is just imaginations. Thinking about your teeth less smile makes me smile.

Distractions.

Goodnight.

Blinded

Have you ever wonder if you feel out of place?

Its the sense. The feeling of "what am I holding on to?".

Love is blind, or so it's said, as if the eyes had failed to notice things that others see.

Weird thing is, I actually handle it well this time. Minor pain with an unforgettable image still stuck in my head. I have to admit, by far, this blindfold love has really pull me down to the drain for good. Yet, a memory worth to keep. I'm trying to break free in ways but no matter what I do, you've got such a hold on me that I'll never get away from you. Oh well, like you've always said "why must things be so complicated?, all I want is something simple". How simple can things be? Give me a huge sign. Uh-Huh,like that's what I need.

I guess it is time for me to just willingly let go. I 'd rather be a silent supporter behind you. I know I will always be there watching you, smiling as I see you smile. You know, what the heck, why do humans always think of all the bad times and not the good times. I should be happy it once happened. Frankly, I really never regret a single moment.

*the end*

Caffeine really kicked in well today. I am a 90% lactose intolerant. At least I can still drink milo and nescafe ice in the mamak stalls. BUT, i have to bear the outcome of it. Conclusion is, toilets are my best friend when it comes to milky products and all dairy products. Work was never-ending today somehow.

I actually miss my high school life. *pause*. A sudden feeling. Oh,and college too. So much memory, filled with uncountable encounter of fucked moments and really happy moments. I'd say, I'm never in college,so , all i remember is my two beloved chokies that I do still think alot about till today.

Ok, yumcha calls.

p/s : The leaves still falls, but the flower never stop growing

6 Signs Your Guy is Cheating

I read this article and find it quite true and its fun.

It’s every woman’s worst relationship fear — that her man is cheating. We’ve all heard the statistic: half of all men cheat. And some experts say that number is even closer to three quarters. Could it be happening to you? Aside from finding lipstick on his collar, a mysterious condom in his pocket or, yes, a phone number on a napkin,there are some red flags to watch out for to tip you off that something fishy might be going on. The following are six signs that should raise your eyebrows:

*jeng jeng jeng*

1. He’s Acting Differently.
The most telltale sign of a cheating man is that he’s acting differently than the way he used to. If any of the signals below describe your guy’s usual actions, don’t freak out and immediately assume he’s having an affair; he’s probably just being his quirky self. What you should be suspicious of is new developments, says Barbara Feld, LCSW, a couple’s therapist at Park Avenue Relationship Consultants in New York City. She says you should ask yourself, “Is what’s happening different than normal? Is he showing a real change in behavior?” If he’s always been private, hasn’t ever had the highest sex drive, or often flakes out on plans, that’s just who he is. It’s when he starts to be that way and never was before that you should start asking questions.

2. He’s Avoiding You.
If your guy has suddenly started coming home much later, seems to be making excuses to be out of the house, starts going away with out you on the weekends, or just generally seems to be avoiding you, that’s a clear indication of trouble in your relationship. M. Gary Neuman, a licensed family counselor and the author of “The Truth About Cheating” found that 61 percent of cheating men said they started spending more time away from home. 55 percent of men about to cheat said the same thing. No matter how busy your guy may be, he should be making an effort to see you (because, hello – he loves you, right?). If he’s stopped making time for you, it’s not at all unreasonable to wonder if he’s making time for someone else.

3. You’re Having Less/Different Sex.
You might think that cheating men stop sleeping with their partners completely. But that’s not always the case. According to M. Gary Neuman, a little less than half of cheating men report having less sex with their partner. Others keep having sex so that they don’t raise suspicions – sneaky b------ s. So be alert to the amount of sex you’re having, but most of all, pay attention to the quality of the sex. Therapist Barbara Feld says sometimes when a guy is having an affair, the quantity of sex remains the same, but it’s the sex itself that changes. Maybe it used to be very romantic, and feel more like making love, and now it just feels like plain old sex.

4. His General Response to You Has Changed.
If a guy is having an affair, he may stop acting like the sweet, romantic man you fell in love with. Maybe he used to be very loving and kind towards you, but now he seems to get annoyed easily, be critical, or pick fights. If he’s consistently not being affectionate with you, don’t brush it off. Try to figure out why he’s different – and what could be distracting him, or making him feel guilty.

5. He Has Suddenly Become Very Private.
It’s just not normal for your guy to always go into a different room to answer calls, keep his cell phone in his car, or get really private about his bills (unless, of course, your man is a privacy freak and you knew that going in). But if he suddenly stops checking his e-mail in front of you, has turned the bathroom into a phone booth, and has redirected the bills to his office, it’s a fair guess than an affair is under way.

6. He is Unreliable
Quite simply, says Barbara Feld, “is he where he says he will be?” If he’s never where he says he’s going to be, it’s a certain sign he’s lying to you about something. Maybe he says he’ll be at the office, but you call and he’s not there. Or he says he’s with a friend, and that friend then calls looking for him. Everyone’s plans change sometimes, but if your guy is consistently not where he says he will be, it’s very possible it’s because he’s with another woman.

Funny but quite true huh. See, guys, never date a girl who takes up psychology course.
Girls, is your guy cheating on you?

See,this benefits both sides somehow. no?

p/s : Everyday feels like a further distance.

Pilot - Epi 1 (Life)

Here I am, blogging again.

Life, of Life.

Life is a process. We are a process. The universe is a process
Sometimes, why do people take life so carefree?
I am indeed an ass when it comes to questioning.

Life is just like a game. Nobody wants to lose(die) so fast.
Everyone wants to achieve their mission(goals) and advance to the next round(success).

All we have is time. Time passes by like a gust of wind.
"Time is all I got", says many.
Why do people like to predict the coming days when nothing has been done in their present days?
Our era of generations are equivalent as "no problem".
Everybody is selfish. Everybody complains.
Have you ever thought about the complains you've been making?

Is money really everything?
This is one of the "yes/no" answer.
What is your answer to this?

Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
So, have you been making your life worth your years that you had lived?

*the end*

A joy of happiness shall shower me this whole week.
1) The accountant is back
2) Michael Jackson's Premier
3) 29th
4) November is here (which makes December nearer)
5) I am going to win 8million from toto lottery. *haha*

Sometimes I have no idea why must I be so hard headed and complicated.
Shouldn't I feel contented?
Sensitive. How do I deal with this character of mine?
Why do I always feel like it has always been my fault?
I am really tired of making most of the moves.
It is just not easy letting go of something even if you want to.
Is the sparkle still there?
I must have put too much charcoal into the bbq pit and no matter how much i put,the fire would go off somehow.
All I just want you to know is "why can't you just open up".
I know you always wanted a simple love thing. Isn't it simple enough already?

Like napoleon dynamite goes : GOSH!

Lennie and Deanie is coming back from aussieland. Hallelujah.
And yes, I really miss you so much. I actually said it. haha.

Goodbye.

p/s : What is the real meaning of "end"?